I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
