another moral hangover. fuck.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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