Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
