He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
