i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
