I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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