in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
