Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The best revenge is premature balding
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
