i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We were destined to go to rehab together
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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