The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's like heaven, but drunker
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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