I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
not ubering you a puppy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
