We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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