i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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