so explain again why im purple
no
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
