Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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