Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
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He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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