Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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