And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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