There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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