I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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