Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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