The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
