EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
