well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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