i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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