I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
