Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
