Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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