Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
