dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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