OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
