She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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