we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
