Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
