Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
