She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
