I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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