Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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