I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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