I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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