Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
