census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cut my penus on the lid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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