I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
