my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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