I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
