absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
