A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
