If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
