i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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