Got a toothbrush?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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