Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
