Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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