everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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