I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
