yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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