The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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