Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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