Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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