WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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