this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
