No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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