We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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