dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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