My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
