I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
